Friday, October 22, 2010

life is beautiful.

i told my cooperating preschool teacher today, upon her exclaiming "you work too?!," that i'm living about five lives right now. my life as a preschool "teacher." my life as a college student. my life as a part time tutor/mother's helper. my life as a part of a functional family.

so that's only four. so shoot me.

just thought i'd share a picture of life right now. :) that's it. it's why i haven't updated my 365 for about three weeks now. it's why i've been quiet here. it's why i avoid schoolwork by tampering with my blog design.

yup. that's the story.

but life is beautiful. i'm gonna look back sometime and say, "remember those crazy days during practicum when i wondered how i ever thought i was cut out for life as a teacher? those were the days. when i crammed homework into the week so i could go to the state fair on saturday, when i came home late after a full day and hooped out under the stars until all i could feel was the song flowing through my muscles and my body free, when i stole moments to sit on the back porch and eat a 'picnic' with my family. yes. those days. remember those days."

someday i will say that. maybe today.

Monday, October 4, 2010

declaring dependence. (with a p.s.)

i kinda stole the title of this post from sweet becka (i believe she used this particular phrase in a comment somewhere other than her blog. but you should go visit anyway ;D). but it was (is) so good. i kinda had to.

you see, i'm a pretty determined sort of girl. i don't let things get to me. i psych myself up for the hurdles i see coming. i hold my breath and jump through hoops.

and yet, the very fact that i plow through obstructions becomes in itself an obstruction. because i do it. i, i, i. and in all my doing, any shred of dependence is lost.

the really bad thing is that i know what i'm doing now. i realize that i'm distancing myself from God by holding all these things. and yet i don't let them go. i don't relinquish them for Him to accomplish through me. not until i either reach the limit of my humanity or i miss Him so badly that i break.

this time is was the latter.

i frustrate myself easily, make myself wish that i could just stay here in this place of seeking Him first and relying on Him even - especially - for the little things. and then i catch my lingo: "i should be able to do this." yeah. no wonder i fail.

but still He draws me back. back to this place where i am again, declaring dependence.

p.s. caroline (another of my lovely friends) had a blog birthday! and she's giving presents. head on over and help along the party. :)

Friday, October 1, 2010


 happy october, all. :)

the 30-posts-of-september-spree - or 28, as it turned out - has ended. i'm actually a tad sad, so hopefully i'll keep showing my face here fairly frequently. even though what i've shared was often trivial (or, alternatively, way too much information), it was a really worthwhile exercise to share from exactly where i was each day. thanks for coming along for the ride.

i don't know what is in store for october, but the air hints of good things. i have a few things i want to explore as well - like the new "talk to me" category i created on the fly yesterday. a group conversation every now and then would be lovely (and i promise to provide a more substantial topic than yarn colorways).

that's all i have to say for now. i like a little closure. september, it was good knowing you. hello october.