The Voice

There's this weird thing I've been noticing. You remember this post a while back where I talked about not being able to find my voice here on the blog? Now that I'm a little more settled here I've (kind of) realized what the deal was.

It's really easy on a blog (for me, at least) to put out the "me" that I want to be known as. And that "me" may not really be the true one but just the one I think will be most acceptable to others. As a result - if I write from an identity based on what I think others like or find respectable - that "voice" can get very forced. (Also, it doesn't come easily. Because it's not really mine.)

So. The breakthrough. It's one of those "things you've been taught all your life as a child in a Christian family." One of those things that takes on new dimension when it "clicks" in your heart. It's "the answer" to that all-consuming question Who am I?. (And, apparently, What on earth do *I* write about on a blog that's at all true to the concept of "myself"? Whatever that is.) The answer is, of course (recite after me), that our identity is found (and founded) in Christ. I think it sounds a little flat because we've heard it all our lives.

Here's a little bit of the new dimension, just as related to blog-land (and that, really, is just a tiny bit). If my identity is in Christ, then it doesn't matter who reads my blog or what they think of my words or really what *I* look like to them. If my identity is in Christ, then I don't have to worry about making *me* look good but about making *Him* look good (gulp). If my identity is in Christ, then I can rely on Him for words, beauty, and lessons. I can just pass on a tiny bit of what He gives to me.

Do you know how much freedom there is in that? It's pretty amazing, I tell you. No more worrying about what to say, or about the lack of words (Ideally, at least. I'm human here. I'm sure there will be days when I get full of myself and go off on my own. But we're being optimistic here, right?). And there's that peace of waiting for Him to speak and then knowing it is Right.

Like tonight. I had gotten halfway through saying something entirely different. (Running my own mouth.) It's gone now. Maybe that thought process will come back. Maybe the timing will be better then. Maybe, the words I wrote on my own are gone forever (I'm sure the world will end without them. *cough*).

I am His. This blog is His. Hopefully, most of the story told here will be from Him. And I can rest in that voice, knowing that anything good that shows up here is not my own doing. Boy, does that feel wonderful.