dangerous prayer.

if it seems as if i am recently quite sporadic about being here on the blog...well, then, the appearances are true. life is moving at pellmell speed, and (apparently) i am along for the ride.

{i am, however, keeping up with the photos for my 365 project. so if you click the link over there ---> in my sidebar, you can see that. just in case you miss me. :)}

i am really glad for grace. for the way that, when i am completely empty - physically, mentally, emotionally - He carries me. i am really grateful, for being emptied, so that i can be taught to trust.

it's actually kind of hit me in the face during the past two weeks, that when He is doing all the work is quite truly when things go most smoothly. it's when He spills out of all my broken, fraying edges. (instead of me holding those edges together by my own wit.)

when i'm weak, that's when He is strong.

that's when i sit in the "wrong" spot (by what my mind would normally say but doesn't take the energy to process) - the spot that's really right where He wants me. that's when i stay there in that spot through the afternoon in the sunshine, hearing others and being part of a community.

that's when a teacher says my name when asking for prayer for a fellow student but looks at someone else, but i'm to tired to notice (what would normally be very obvious to me). and so it is through my mouth that God pours His words, His truth, as a healing balm to a hurting soul.

that's when, after all this has poured through me to others and i begin to see - when i begin to see and question how i can be so empty and yet be a vessel of God's grace to others - and my heart is filled with the awesomeness and the devastation of it, that's when He won't let up on me, won't let me eat lunch in my car where i collapse in relief. that's when He prods me around the corner to the space where i have never ventured, to sit on bricks underneath a sheltering tree and breathe the air and know my soul restored.

He's really good at this strength thing. i need lots of practice on this being weak thing.

it's a dangerous thing to pray for, i tell you. and, i dare you to try it!