dangerous prayer.

if it seems as if i am recently quite sporadic about being here on the blog...well, then, the appearances are true. life is moving at pellmell speed, and (apparently) i am along for the ride.

{i am, however, keeping up with the photos for my 365 project. so if you click the link over there ---> in my sidebar, you can see that. just in case you miss me. :)}

i am really glad for grace. for the way that, when i am completely empty - physically, mentally, emotionally - He carries me. i am really grateful, for being emptied, so that i can be taught to trust.

it's actually kind of hit me in the face during the past two weeks, that when He is doing all the work is quite truly when things go most smoothly. it's when He spills out of all my broken, fraying edges. (instead of me holding those edges together by my own wit.)

when i'm weak, that's when He is strong.

that's when i sit in the "wrong" spot (by what my mind would normally say but doesn't take the energy to process) - the spot that's really right where He wants me. that's when i stay there in that spot through the afternoon in the sunshine, hearing others and being part of a community.

that's when a teacher says my name when asking for prayer for a fellow student but looks at someone else, but i'm to tired to notice (what would normally be very obvious to me). and so it is through my mouth that God pours His words, His truth, as a healing balm to a hurting soul.

that's when, after all this has poured through me to others and i begin to see - when i begin to see and question how i can be so empty and yet be a vessel of God's grace to others - and my heart is filled with the awesomeness and the devastation of it, that's when He won't let up on me, won't let me eat lunch in my car where i collapse in relief. that's when He prods me around the corner to the space where i have never ventured, to sit on bricks underneath a sheltering tree and breathe the air and know my soul restored.

He's really good at this strength thing. i need lots of practice on this being weak thing.

it's a dangerous thing to pray for, i tell you. and, i dare you to try it!

singing.

i praise the God of grace; i trust His Truth and Might;
He calls me His, i call Him mine, My God, my Joy, my Light.
'tis He who saveth me, and freely pardon gives;
i love because He loveth me, i live because He lives.

-"not what my hands have done," horatius bonar

this makes me happy.

 

it's the aftermath of interpreting a mossy, sunlit log from film to watercolor. (notice i said "interpreting." it was a very loose interpretation. but so enjoyable.) 

this late winter sunlight has been inspiring me. even just going to sit in it - for my quiet time or while i do schoolwork or with my camera - is immensely therapeutic. maybe i have spring fever and that's why i've been feeling so squirrelly within four walls. but i don't think it's just the season. i think being out there in the open air is something that we always need.

so i've been more conscious. the intention is to soak up some of the outdoors every day. (notice i said "every day." not just "on days when the sun is shining." this is why i need a pair of {cute} rain boots.)

creation is (some of) God's art. it's just one more way i can enjoy Him. and that - that makes me happy.

a breath of fresh air.

"but it is good for me to draw near to God..." psalm 73:28, amp

today, sitting out in the sun and the wind, it is easier for my soul to quiet. there is space. space to wait, to listen. to draw near. to hear Him.

it is good.

i feel like monet.

watching the light change. from eleven in the morning until six this evening. my favorite part is seeing the blossoms lean into the sun. soaking up every possible bit.

no, it's not a list.

are you glad for some paragraphs to appear here once again? :) i am, as much as i do love lists.

i have a few minutes before i leave for school, and just thought i'd chat. because, while i've been absent from this space, much has occurred! i became, for instance, no-longer-a-teenager.

and i started (for another instance) a project which i'd contemplated for a few months. i finally decided to stop worrying about whether i could actually do it or not (a picture a day for a year...lots of contingencies) and just start. so i did, and here i am.

my time is up, and i know there's not much here, but i just wanted to say hello again. :) i will leave you with my "verse of the day," from psalm 56: "for You have delivered my life from death, yes, and my feet from falling, that i may walk before God in the light of life and of the living."

come walk with me?

because i love lists, no. 7

or, children's authors of whom i can't get enough:

1. shannon hale. (author of princess academy) because her stories go deeper than just words, sentences, paragraphs, and even plots.
2. peter h. reynolds. (author of the dot) because he believes in true creativity. (not that canned stuff you buy at the store.)
3. laura numeroff. (author of diary of a worm and the if you give a mouse a cookie series) because who doesn't want milk with their cookie? (and, because point of view is awesome.)
4.  dr. suess. (author...of all the good books.) because the made up words are the best ones.
5. russell hoban. (author of the frances books. my absolute favorites.) because the contents of a lunchbox should always be described in minute detail.
6. eleanor h. porter. (author of pollyanna and the lesser known just david) because, if you look, you really can find beauty wherever you are.
7. patricia maclachan. (author of baby. a book which you must read at once if you have not already.) because she paints entire scenes with her words.

happy reading, all!

because i love lists, no. 6

or, why "creative art, rhythm and rhyme" is my favorite class. ever.

1. well, ob-viouslyyyy, because it is all about cool things like art, and music, and poetry. and how to encourage these (and, more specifically, creativity in general) in young individuals. how can it get any better than creativity and children combined?
2. it's a great group. when students walk into class already asking deep questions (like, "is being sheltered from 'reality' the only thing that separates children from adults?"), and when the teacher takes care to make everyone welcome in even these before-class (read: informal) discussions, you can't help adding your two cents. being a particular part of the whole. (it's a good size, too. 12. not too big, not too small.)
3. we create and experiment and play. we go outside and splatter paint. we mix up mind-boggling, physics-defying concoctions of water and cornstarch...and proceed to squish it around in our fingers like 6-year-olds do with playdough. we brainstorm group activities for learning (or reinforcing) each others names. and sometimes...(don't tell) we take naps. or, at least, talk about it.
4. there's a good mix of seriousness (see #2) and laughter. everybody teases everybody else. students interrupt with comments all the time. discussion smoothly disintegrates into smalltalk. (and we all sit in a u-shape. so everyone hears everything.)
5. to put it simply...this class is just plain fun. 

too bad it only meets once a week.

because i love lists, no. 5

or, the treasures my camera captured today.
1. my *blissful* breakfast. seriously, i have never cooked an omelet so perfect. butter and onions and spinach and black olives, oh my. such goodness. cooked every bit of the way through but not overdone on the outside. (and that, my friends, is success.)

2. ummm...where did it go?!

3. yesterday found me hammering away at my walls - and doing some over-the-top things with a level and super-duper-wall-rub-ons. i am in love with the results. completely. i walk into my room and swoon...and spend my time building castles in the sky for the continuation of my "art wall." (see, i told you i was hopelessly in love. ahem.) i can't wait to frame a few pieces that are already complete. {you can compare this photo to the blank wall pictured in image #3 of this post. see the difference? drastic, i tell you.}

are you tired of lists yet?

because i love lists, no. 4

or, soothing sounds.

1. the adagio sostenuto from beethoven's moonlight sonata playing on pandora while i study.
2. the swishing squeak that stitches make when knit.
3. tiny crackling noises from a glowing candle.
4. the welcome approach of familiar footsteps.
5. the metallic crunching sound the "enter" key makes as it depresses to save a school assignment - one which is now finished.

what would you add?

because i love lists, no. 3

or, lovely things::photographic edition.