the past few nights i've wrapped everything up and been ready for bed and then realized that i still have to post. i have countless lists running through my head (and on paper): things to do for school, things to do for life, things to think about, things to plan...
one of the pieces i've been sorting through and beginning to understand (after the initial confusion thursday night) is the transition i'm currently in. it's one i didn't see coming, one that caught me off guard (i know, that's redundant). i'm wrapping my mind around it now in bits.
it's the transition from college student into professional. i was expecting this, planning for it to come...only about nine months from now. so i thought i had time. and i do, in a way. the transition won't really reach completion stage until then. but it starts now as i spend half my day time in a professional setting.
whirled around and never allowed to rest indeed. (john calvin quote in the comments) i've just now become really truly comfortable as a "college kid" and whoosh! next thing! ah well. the adventuring-with-God-to-His-new-place-for-me i can do. the trying-to-make-the-old-way-work-when-it-seems-like-pulling-teeth thing was taking its toll. i actually find myself comforted here in this place of absolute uncertainty and utter trust - a place that is familiar and where God has worked the most breathtaking things in the past. this is where i get to let go of having it all together. this is where i fall. this is where He waits to catch me.
it will be more or less scary, depending on the day. i'm good with that. here's to the transition, to stepping up.
p.s. i really miss my pictures. i miss the result (pictures on my blog) but i also miss the process, the slow, conscious act of seeing. it's on my list (one of them) to change in the next week. just making note.
hi. i've missed the pictures, too. =) (no pressure, just saying.)
ReplyDeletei saw a play called "doubt" tonight. one of the main actresses was commenting that the play was really a celebration of doubt. it was hard to watch, and hard when there was no resolution or certainty at the end. i'm thinking about it tonight...the value of doubt, even though what we so desperately want (and the play beautifully portrayed this) is certain certainty. one of my professors said, "i'm not sure it's possible for everything to be perfectly clear." i don't know where i was going with all of that, but it seemed to sort of apply. i love you.
hi, friend. i just came to the same conclusion last night about missing my pictures. like you, i've been remembering right before climbing into bed, that oh, i still need to post.
ReplyDeletei hear you and am right there with you in terms of doubt and transitioning to new roles. last spring when i was doing clinicals i pretty much felt like you do. transitioning from student to a professional. but now i'm back to just a college student again. even though i knew in my head that i was going straight to more college after graduating and not straight into an actual job, it still feels strange, if that makes sense. like i am now tucking away the professional bits i practiced for all those months until a tad farther down the road.
i think that this point of coming to realize our weakness and stepping into the place of total uncertainty and trust is where God wants us to be all the time. the hard part (at least for me) is staying in this place, because it isn't usually comfortable. feeling like you're falling is never going to be "comfy."
praying for you, friend. xoxo
Hi Emily, I was preparing for an apologetics class on Wednesday when I came upon a quote that reminded me of this thread. Before I quote it, let me just say that trusting in God and leaving uncertainties in his hands is good practice. Often He'll press us out of our comfort zones specifically so we will learn to depend entirely upon Him and not trust in ourselves and it sounds like that is what is going on in your life.
ReplyDeleteHowever, that said, beware of doubt. The postmodern world makes doubt into a virtue, but the devil has always known that it is easier to get us to distrust God, His word, His work, His Love, His promises by piling up doubts rather than all at once (Gen. 3:1 for instance!).
Anyway, here's the quote that got me started, it's from Cornelius Van Til in a paper on the certainty of the resurrection (sorry its long):
"Don’t, counsels Paul, look any longer to the wisdom of the world. Don’t look in part at the wisdom of God and in part at the wisdom of the world. Look always and only to the wisdom of God. For doubt is sin. God’s existence is not probable. His promises are not probably true. The question is not whether there will be immortality. In his conscience every man knows that he has been made by God and that one day he will be called to give an account of his life to God. The issue is therefore this: Will you be resurrected unto life or unto death? Those who are witness-bearers to the resurrection of Christ are righteous before God. Only such believing witnesses shall receive the crown of righteousness. But they shall surely receive it. Don’t waste your energy doubting. My beloved brethren, you are what you are as those that know whom they have believed and are fully persuaded that he is able to keep that which they have committed unto him against that day.
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labor is not in vain with the Lord.”"