putting it into words.

this thought - this heart-knowing - has been forming throughout the past week plus a few days, and is just now solidifying into expression. it started as stubborn (or desperate, however you want to read it) defiance of fear: doing what i know is right anyway, utter trust in absolute uncertainty. then it became incomprehensible peace (you know, the kind that passes understanding). now finally it is gaining substance, something i can hold to.

an english professor would be spazzing out right now; i've been using words like "this" and "it" without ever defining such nebulous terms. "it" has to do with a purpose for my current place in life, a direction or target for my current path, a reason for now. something long-term.

or, as it turns out, not-so-long-term (and yet it is, in a way). because the purpose, the direction, the reason for these days is to use my gifts and my activities and my goals, to live in them to God's glory. His glory right now. His glory in wherever He takes me.

i know this amazing revelation [ahem. sarcasm.] is kind of a "duhhh" thing. my head could have told you that's my purpose. my heart needed a little reminding. a little applying of theology to the practicalities and realities of life (that's a whole 'nother discussion). a little bit of putting it into words.